How Do You Not Turn A Child Away From God?

By Mike Edwards

It can be disheartening when our child does not share the same beliefs or passion about God as they get older. I have good news if reading this and kids are young or grown. My kids are in their thirties. I have things I could have done better. I did apologize what I thought I could do differently. If a parent has any kind of relationship, kids will get over mistakes. If kids are younger, you can plan ahead. Decide if my plan below makes sense or develop your own.

Parents. communicate the real reason for a relationship with God 

Many of us who grew up in church were taught the reason Jesus came to this earth was to save us from Hell so we could go to Heaven. Your kid isn’t going to Hell regardless of their beliefs. A literal Hell isn’t biblical. See here.  Jesus spoke of loving God not to get into heaven but to receive help in loving others here on earth. See here.  Personally, the biggest reason for being a God-follower is the forgiveness, inspiration, and encouragement I sense in striving to be a better human being. Influences in our life don’t have to be audible. My parents aren’t alive but I am still influenced. Pursuit of a godly life is never in vain!  The best a parent can do as children age is less talking if not interested and walking the talk. If God exist, God can handle matters.

Parents, it’s their journey not yours 

Many parents assume if their kid question, doubt, or even wants nothing to do with God that they are going to Hell. Not true! When children are young and a parent believes in God and walks the talk for the most part, kids are likely to go along for the ride. But as our children get older, their relationship with God is their own personal journey. They aren’t into God like you. Relax! Stop worrying! Your belief in a personal God suggests God will engage with them in their own journey. 

The Bible doesn’t always determine what God is really like 

The biggest mistake I made as a parent was believing my interpretation of the Bible was always right. My son came to me after his teachers suggested evolution was the creative process God used for the creation of humans. I was emphatic that evolution wasn’t true because of my biblical interpretation of the Bible. Turns out I could be wrong – https://biologos.org/  I could have advised what I believe, but he had to decide what he is going to believe. Besides, it can’t be proven all written down in our Bibles about God was inspired by God, that the writers always understood God perfectly.

What image of God you portray to your children is so important!

The Bible is subject to interpretation and scholars don’t agree on many moral issues addressed in the Bible. We can also determine what God is like according to one’s own moral intuitions. Your child’s view of what a moral God is like is valid. Our mental views of God shape our attitudes toward God. My view of God inspires me to pursue perfection in my relationships without being paralyzed by guilt when failing. I have the “want to” to be perfect. I believe that motivation comes from God! Surely a loving God only seeks to love you like you wish you were always able to love others. We all know how we wish our parents had loved us. This is the God you can believe. Don’t convey God is hard to please and pissed off about sin rather than what sin is doing to us. 

Have a Plan!

Don’t assume that your child’s unbelief or lack of a relationship with God is one being rebellious. There are personal or intellectual reasonable objections to not believe. I was raised in a home that preached belief in God and attended church more than once a week. I didn’t have a great relationship with my parents who pushed that belief. I can’t tell you why I never turn away from God. It isn’t because I am so outstanding morally. Others turn away from God in my situation. A relationship with God is your child’s personal journey. Parents can share their personal beliefs and even encourage when younger, but eventually we must leave a child in the hands of God. Strive to have a open, loving relationship with your children.

How Do You Not Turn A Child Away From God?

Mike Edwards has been writing for Done with Religion for some time and has been a great addition to the site. He couldn’t find enough people to discuss God openly so he started blogging years ago. Mike also has his own site where he writes that can be found at What God May Really Be Like  He can be contacted by email at: medwar2@gmail.com

How The Heck Do You Parent Well?

By Mike Edwards

Warning parents – Words of advice to your kids don’t nearly matter as much as your behaviors/actions. It determines if kids want to be like you and even if your kids like you. Good luck if you are the kind of parent that says “do as I say, not what I do.” Parenting is thousands of actions to do and avoid. It can help though to have a general plan to guide you. I will list several actions at the end to think about, but mainly I am going to suggest firm but gentle parenting is the key. I parented three kids who are now in their thirties. Looking back, I didn’t always succeed but I tried. Perfect parenting doesn’t even guarantee perfect kids, but I got lucky. You would be proud to call my kids your own.

What is firm parenting? 

Firm parenting basically is not constantly moving the bar regarding expectations. Your “no” must mean “no.” Don’t make the kids guess how to please or respect you. Good parenting looks for ways to say yes rather than no all the time, just because you are tired of the challenges of parenting. My biggest “no” was you will treat your sibling the same way I am expected to treat your Mom. That means no yelling at or putting your hands on each other when upset. If you are a parent with more than one child, you know this is an almost daily challenge when they are young. If you are saying no all the time, consider what actions you want to major on and go from there.

What is gentle parenting? 

One can be firm but gentle. If a kid is running out in the street without looking, all rules off. Yell at the top of your lungs and take action. But most misbehaviors don’t require such a reaction. Have you noticed kids are exhausting and exasperating! For some reason they don’t come into the world wanting to behave most of the time. Use a firm but not loud voice to state the expectation. If they don’t listen remove them from the scene of the crime. Spanking was not an option for me as a parent. It stifled creative discipline that is more effective. No, my kids didn’t end up in prison. 

Lots of other actions 

The challenges of parenting is unbelievable. You have to monitor screen time, you have to monitor that snacks aren’t the main meal, you have to be concerned how kids these days are treating one another when no one is looking, etc. Here are a few personal parenting actions I think can help:

• Put the marriage first over the kids. Do stuff with your partner alone and communicate in words your partner is your first commitment. Kids will benefit in the long-run. I sucked at this!
• Be present in the moment and not distracted. Kids are boring when younger. Quite thinking what you aren’t getting done and be with them.
• False praise isn’t good but unexpressed gratitude toward the kids is the same as ingratitude
• Spanking is not necessary as stifles creative discipline that is more effective
• Pick your battles when appropriate to say “no” and mean it. Now that you are an adult, “what do you wish your parents had said ‘no’ to and minor on the rest? Stop changing the goalposts
• Discipline doesn’t always have to be immediate. You might come up with a better idea later. Let the kid wonder
• Knows the stages of parenting. See here.
• Insist the siblings treat one another like they want to be treated. NO bullying in this house either between mom and dad or siblings
• Controlling love is an oxymoron. As they get older (age debatable), kids need to be allowed to make their own decisions and suffer the consequences if necessary. Give choices and let them follow their own dreams not the parent’s dreams
• One last personal thing men – when we dated we tended to hold doors including the car, and other actions that conveyed love. I wish I had never stop holding the car door despite children. I am back in the habit for years unless hot as hell in the car and the wife wish I get the AC going first before they get in. The wife doesn’t always love this new habit, but I ain’t changing
• Want more suggestions? See here.

Oh yea, this is a spiritual blog! 

One can be a great parent despite not believing in God or have a relationship with God. No excuses! I am bias. God’s influence in my life has made me a better husband, parent, and friend. I am convinced God loves me the same way I desire deep down to be known for loving others and my children. I have written before how and what a relationship with God is like – What Is The Greatest Advantage Believing In God If So Inclined? Consider all the human and spiritual help you need to be the very best parent you can be.

How The Heck Do You Parent Well?

Mike Edwards has been writing for Done with Religion for some time and has been a great addition to the site. Mike also has his own site where he writes that can be found at What God May Really Be Like  He can be contacted by email at: medwar2@gmail.com