What Can Good Marriages Do Even Better?

By Mike Edwards

It isn’t easy having a good marriage. Marriages, unlike many relationships, are a 24/7 friendship. Live with a friend all the time and see if the relationship is as friendly. Relationships often start off well because reality hasn’t set in – sharing closets, bathrooms, in-laws, children. Differences become more and more obvious. I wrote here  what good marriages tend to have in common. They treat one another like they do their best friend, they talk and solve their differences in an open, productive way, and encouragements are at a ratio of least 5:1 per criticisms. Learning to live happily incompatible is complicated but worth it, and it always takes two to tango.

What negative flaw do solid marriages often have in common? 

Everyone can spot an unhappy marriage. Just listen. But good marriages often violate an aspect of the golden rule necessary for a good marriage – treating their partner like they want to be treated. Want to give advice to your partner? Then advise and talk to like you would like you want to be given advice or if partner had a different opinion on a matter. Avoid being perceived as “snippy.”

I am guilty what I am about to advise early on in marriage and may still be. I worry if my kids picked up on this flaw! I think I am doing much better in this past decade but you would have to ask my partner, kids, and their partners. I notice couples who aren’t necessarily on the brink of divorce do this in front of others. Imagine what they do when others aren’t looking. When giving advice or differ with what comes out of your partner’s mouth…..watch the words you use to respond. 

When disagreeing with partner don’t start with: 

You need to

YOU should

What!

C’mon name of partner!

No …..

Huh!

Ask you partner how you can respond differently when having different opinions

Positive reactions when having different opinions 

What about

What if

Maybe

Perhaps

Possibly 

Ask your partner how your responses can be less critical/snippy when alone or in public 

React to you partner in every situation positively and less critically or challenging!

Mike Edwards has been writing for Done with Religion for some time and has been a great addition to the site. He couldn’t find enough people to discuss God openly so he started blogging years ago. Mike also has his own site where he writes that can be found at What God May Really Be Like  He can be contacted by email at: medwar2@gmail.com

What One Insight May Help Your Marriage The Most?

By Mike Edwards

If I were to ask you if life is hard or easy, most of you would probably say hard at times. Few would deny that challenges arise from time to time. This same insight could help your marriage get off to a good start or perhaps help you dig you way out of a mess. Now sometimes, your partner is a mess and refuses to step up to the challenge! Just make sure you aren’t the mess. All to say, marriage is hard sometimes and hard work is required to get back on track.

My personal naiveness 

Young couples – I doubt most of you were as naïve as I was in the beginning of my marriage. I assume agreement on our differences would quickly evaporate because of our love for one another. Heck, I probably assumed we wouldn’t have any differences. I suppose because dating went so well was part of my challenge. But I ended up pursuing counseling as a career because of the marriage struggles I noticed my parents had. Yet, I guess I assumed I was totally different. I went for some premarital counseling, but I have always been hard of hearing. The truth is beginning to share things including closets, children, and in-laws, and that each individual brings their own baggage into the relationship, creates challenges. 

What is a critical attitude when marriage gets hard 

Many of us start off saying our partner is our best friend, but we don’t always act like that. Happily married couples behave like good friends, abiding by the golden rule. If both partners act consistently like they wish to be treated, characterized by respect, affection, and empathy, marriages are good. Regardless, there are challenges in 7 days-a-week relationships unlike in other friendships where you don’t share as much. When the relationship is struggling, often it will be because one is not living out the golden rule. Start by changing yourself rather than trying to change your partner. Are you treating your partner as you wish to be treated? 

What is a critical skill when marriage gets hard 

Watch expectations. Great relationships have differences. It is how you handle them that is critical. One who begins a relationship knowing that he/she does not have a right to expect everything he/she desires sets himself/herself up for success. Living happily incompatibly is the goal. Discuss and solve differences in a calm manner, as best friends do, so solutions can be discovered. It is better to try again later than let anger fly. Respond not react to differences. Do you have anger rules and agree to stop the discussion and try again later when these boundaries are violated? 

What does God have to do with it?

I have to put a plug in for a Creator encouraging going the extra mile in marriage. A great advantage of my being a God-follower is knowing good enough isn’t enough. Marriages can fail despite an 85% success rate. Great marriages aren’t about being good enough or not as bad as other partners. The best goal of marriage or any relationship is aiming for perfection. My view of God, as an encourager and forgiver, inspires me to pursue perfection in my relationships without being paralyzed by guilt when failing. I have the “want to” to be perfect – okay getting closer to perfect. That credit goes to God!

What One Insight May Help Your Marriage The Most?

Mike Edwards has been writing for Done with Religion for some time and has been a great addition to the site. He couldn’t find enough people to discuss God openly so he started blogging years ago. Mike also has his own site where he writes that can be found at What God May Really Be Like  He can be contacted by email at: medwar2@gmail.com

Did You Know The Bible Says Nothing About Marriage?

By Mike Edwards

There is no word for “husband” or “wife” in Hebrew (the older testament). There is also no word for marriage (pairing up) in Hebrew. The English Bible should more accurately use “to take” rather than using the word “marriage.” I will let you decide in a patriarchal society which gender is taking who. In the older testament, the man didn’t marry but took the women. Even the Greek (newer testament) didn’t have a word for husband or wife. We must be careful what we assume a biblical marriage is when biblical writers had no such concept of the marriage institution as we know it. Please see Jennifer Bird Marriage In The Bible for many of the insights below. 

In the Bible marriage was between two men

In the Bible marriage was typically a contract between two men – the father of the man and the father of the woman. A payment was often made by the father of the woman to the father of the man. In a patriarchal culture a woman was basically viewed as property – first to her father and then to the man given to by the father. Was this really God’s ideal?  I’m not a woman, but I doubt women want to go back to biblical pairings. The women in the Bible seem given to the man to have children and build his legacy. Men, if this is your cup of tea, you are reading the wrong blog! 

In the Bible marriage (pairing) often was not between just one man and one woman

It was a very common arrangement in the OT for men to have multiple women. Most are familiar with the stories of two supposed spiritual giants in the Old Testament – Kings David and Solomon. Who hasn’t heard David was a man after God’s own heart. Not always the God I know! Solomon had hundreds of women at his disposal. Polygamy was never condemned in the Bible. Do we really want to go back to biblical pairings? My wife would argue one man is enough of a cross/burden to carry!

In the Bible relationships weren’t based on mutual respect and love

We have laws in the Bible, supposedly advocated by God, where men were required to impregnate their brother’s woman if her man died. (Deut. 25:5) I don’t read where the woman has any say so in the matter, in case she didn’t want to have a child with her “brother-in-law.” My wife’s sisters probably feel the same way. Then in Deut. 22:13-21 God supposedly advocates a woman being forced to stay with a man who lied about her virginity. Again, the woman had no say so. Biblical relationships were hardly built on mutual respect and love. Times have changed hopefully?

Newer Testament didn’t exactly advocate for more women rights

It doesn’t seem much changed from OT times to when Jesus lived. When Jesus advised that a man could only divorce a woman for adulterous reasons, the disciples said “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.” (Mt. 19:9-10) They seemed to think marriage is about men’s rights. Also, though Jesus didn’t exactly say so, you mean to tell me Jesus didn’t think women could divorce for the same reason? This passage has multiple interpretations, so we are free to speculate what an ideal marriage is in God’s eyes.

What about gay marriages?

If the Bible doesn’t speak about heterosexual marriages based on mutual and respect, it can’t possibly report on gay relationships based on mutual respect and love. We Must Rethink The Bible When It Comes To Gays!

What kind of marriage does God want? 

Personally, I don’t want anything to do with biblical pairings (marriages). And biblical marriages didn’t happen in churches administered by a preacher-type. Do my partner and I need a redo to have a godly marriage? I admit I can’t read God’s mind, but I know how I ought to treat others especially women. I don’t want any father telling a woman who she must marry for money. I certainly don’t want my parents telling me who to marry. They struck out. I have been married 41 years with three great kids. Turns out she is the saint, not their beloved son. Read the Bible for possible wisdom, but seek to have a godly marriage instead of a biblical marriage.

Did You Know The Bible Says Nothing About Marriage?

Mike Edwards has been writing for Done with Religion for some time and has been a great addition to the site. He couldn’t find enough people to discuss God openly so he started blogging years ago. Mike also has his own site where he writes that can be found at What God May Really Be Like  He can be contacted by email at: medwar2@gmail.com

How The Heck Do You Have A Good Marriage?

By Mike Edwards

This is a previous Post. I thought I would repost with some minor changes, to follow up my Post last week – How The Heck Do You Parent Well?

I’m no expert but one who is anxious for others to avoid my failures. I can assure you my marriage hasn’t lasted 41 years so far because I am some saint. Divorce can happen and doesn’t doom one as a failure for life. Relationships aren’t that complicated, just hard. Many marriages can succeed when both partners adhere to a few essential attitudes and actions to better relate. I am going to keep this less than a five-minute read to hopefully provoke more readings about marriage here or elsewhere if struggling. Success isn’t an exact path. We all have a chance if strive to treat our partner like a best friend!

The Right Attitude – Accepting Differences 

Good luck finding a partner that always agree. Marriage is about living happily incompatible. There are no perfect matches. Relationships often start off well because reality hasn’t set in – sharing closets, bathrooms, in-laws, children, etc. You still have in common why you began the relationship, but now you have to work out your differences. Other friendships don’t have the 24/7 challenges. Naively, I assumed in the beginning I would be happily married 100% of the time. Now, I realize being pleased 75% of the time is a pretty good marriage. Strive to treat your partner like you want to be treated when not agreeing. Marriage isn’t agreeing but learning to disagree. 

The Right Actions – Fighting Fair 

After accepting we don’t have a right to expect everything we desire, we still must solve differences to live peacefully together. When handling differences in other relationships it usually is out in public with others around eyeballing your actions. In a 24/7 relationship differences can happen more in private. There is less accountability to behave. Kids, we know the rules in solving differences – keep your hands to yourself, don’t raise your voice, stop interrupting, etc. When such rules are violated, give each other permission to stop and restart when acting more civilly. Couples who say they are no longer in love have stopped treating each other in loving ways. Happy couples expect problems and solve differences in a positive manner so solutions can be discovered. 

Identify A Specific Plan And Persist 

As you strive for the right attitude and actions – develop specific steps each can take, evaluate success in a time limited fashion, and do it all over again. Keep trying until finding what works. Judge the relationship not on feelings that depend on circumstance but judge the relationship on specific actions that can bring about desired feelings.  Couples often give up too soon because they attempt a “hit and miss” approach to their problems. Couples often argue, “they have tried everything.” Develop your own list of habits such as below:

• During conflict both ideally ask “what can I do differently” not “why can’t you”
• Assume good will of you partner unless you married the devil
• Focus on solutions than problems
• Persist unless one partner is being abusive
• Run from temptations such as drugs or affairs that can set you up for failure
• Get third party help after remaining stuck
• Try doing what you would tell your friend if they asked for advise
• Identify 2 or 1 thing you wish each would do differently once a day that is observable and you can acknowledge genuine appreciation when it happens
• Focus on you being the right person rather than your partner
• Happy couples’ ratio of encouraging than criticizing is at least 6:1

Spiritual help can be invaluable in marriage

Maybe you are just a good person without any help. Personally, I need help being the best version of myself for the sake of my partner. I need to be willing to say sorry. I need to recognize I am being selfish. I need to be willing to forgive when my partner takes responsibility for their actions. Great marriages aren’t about being good enough or not as bad as other partners. The best goal of marriage or any relationship is aiming for perfection. My view of God inspires me to pursue perfection in my relationships without being paralyzed by guilt when failing. I have the “want to” to be perfect. I believe that motivation comes from God!

John and Julie Gottman, who have researched marriage relationships for years to identify important factors that lead to success, state something so true: “Every marriage has perpetual issues – conflicts based on personality differences or lifestyle differences that never go away. Common examples include how much intimacy there should be in a marriage, as well as disagreements over money and household chores. But as longtime marriage therapists, we’ve found that partners can live peacefully with perpetual issues as long as they talk about them in a open, productive way.”

How The Heck Do You Have A Good Marriage?

Mike Edwards has been writing for Done with Religion for some time and has been a great addition to the site. Mike also has his own site where he writes that can be found at What God May Really Be Like  He can be contacted by email at: medwar2@gmail.com

Who The Heck Would Want A Biblical Marriage?

By Mike Edwards

I think the Bible can become an idol depending on one’s view of the Bible. See here.  We are encouraged to have a biblical business, family, life, church, or marriage. But we can’t prove God dictated or controlled the biblical writers’ pens or reeds (I can google) to record God’s thoughts perfectly. The Bible is God’s story beginning with Israel and culminating with the life of Jesus that we don’t possess in any other document, but it is important to read the Bible with a questioning and open spirit. Do we really want biblical marriages?

In the Bible marriage was between two men

In the Bible marriage was typically a contract between two men – the father of the man and the father of the woman. A payment was often made by the father of the woman (you guessed it) to the father of the man. Also, there was no Hebrew word for “husband,” or “wife.” These words were added in translations of the Bible later. See here.  In a patriarchal culture a woman was basically viewed as property – first to her father and then to the man given to by the father. Was this really God’s ideal?  I’m not a woman, but I doubt women want to go back to biblical marriages must less before they could vote!

Then, in the Bible marriage often was not between just one man and one woman

It was a very common marital arrangement in the Old Testament for men to have multiple wives. Most are familiar with the stories of two supposed spiritual giants in the Old Testament – Kings David and Solomon. Who hasn’t heard David was a man after God’s own heart. Not always the God I know! Solomon had hundreds of women at his disposal. Polygamy was never condemned in the Bible. Do we really want to go back to biblical marriages? My wife would argue one husband is enough of a cross/burden to carry!

In the Bible marriage was more about procreating than romantic love

There is not a Hebrew word for husband, wife, or even marriage.  You don’t read of marriage ceremonies or honeymoons. In Hebrew it’s more about the man “taking” the woman. You never of course read a woman taking a man.  An example of this is Genesis 29:23 – “he (Laban) took his daughter Leah and brought her to Jacob, and Jacob made love to her.” It may sound like it but this wasn’t the father giving the daughter for prostitution. One could argue in the Bible the woman was more like property given to the man to have children and build his legacy. If this is your cup of tea, you are reading the wrong blog.

What if a woman’s man dies?

We have laws and stories in the Bible where men were required to impregnate his sister-in-law if her man died. (Deut. 25:5). I don’t read where the woman has any say so in the matter, in case she didn’t want to have a child with her brother-in-law. My wife’s sisters probably feel the same way. 

Even in the New Testament women had few rights

It doesn’t seem much changed from OT times to when Jesus lived. When Jesus advised that a man could only divorce a woman for adulterous reasons, the disciples said “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.” (Mt. 19:9-10). They seemed to think marriage is about men’s rights. Also, though Jesus didn’t exactly say so, you mean to tell me Jesus didn’t think women could divorce for the same reason? This passage has multiple interpretations, so we are free to speculate what an ideal marriage is in God’s eyes.

What kind of marriage does God want? 

Personally, I don’t want anything to do with biblical marriages. And biblical marriages didn’t happen in churches administered by a preacher-type. The wife and I need a redo. Should we stop this practice?  I admit I can’t read God’s mind. But somehow, I know how I ought to treat others especially women. I don’t want any father telling a woman who she must marry for money. I certainly don’t want my parents telling me who to marry. They struck out. I have been married 41 years with three great kids. Turns out she is the saint, not their beloved son. Read the Bible for possible wisdom, but seek to have a godly marriage instead of a biblical marriage.

Who The Heck Would Want A Biblical Marriage?

Mike Edwards has been writing for Done with Religion for some time and has been a great addition to the site. Mike also has his own site where he writes that can be found at What God May Really Be Like  He can be contacted by email at: medwar2@gmail.com 

Marriage and Being One with God

by Jim Gordon

The institution of marriage is such a great comparison to life with God. I think we often miss some good points about marriage that directly relates to life with God. To many times we do not associate marriage with Kingdom meanings.

Actually, marriage is a shadow of spiritual things. In Ephesians 5 it relates marriage to the church when it reads, this mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. The church here is not a building nor an organization. The Church that is mentioned are the people who follows Jesus. It is not a weekly meeting; it is a living organism made up of those of us saved by grace.

One of the things I have been thinking about recently is how we are one with God. It is hard to imagine that God lives within us. Jesus said when he left the earth, he would send us another comforter. Through his Spirit, Jesus came to live within us and is constantly with us.

We always think of God as sitting on a big throne, way off in heaven somewhere and that one of these days we will go and live with God forever.

The thing is, that is not what the written word tells us. We are the temple of the Holy Spirit, God’s physical dwelling place on earth. God’s Spirit dwells within us and will never leave us nor forsake us.

Now it is not saying we are God, but we are one with God. The best way I have found to make sense of this is to think of marriage. When two individual people, whether straight or gay, fall in love, make a commitment to love each other and live together, the bible says the two shall become one.

Does that mean that the spouse becomes their partner, that they somehow become the same person? No, both people remain individuals, yet they live as one. Same with us and God. We are still the person God created, yet because God loves us and we love God, the Spirit lives within us and we become one with God.

In John 17:21 Jesus is talking with God and says, ‘that they may all be one, even as You are in Me and I in You, that they also may be in Us, so that the world may believe that You sent Me’. Seems to me it is truly a marriage made in heaven.

We do not have to wait to a future time when we live with God in some far-away place. We are living as one with God in the Kingdom right now. We are the temple of the Holy Spirit, we are the dwelling place of God, and each of us are equally important parts of the body of Christ.

Jim Gordon and his wife left the institutional church after spending over fifty years within the system. Jim wanted a way to express his thoughts and concerns about the religious system and why he and his wife decided to leave the institution but not their faith in God. Jim can be contacted by email at: jimgordon731@gmail.com

How The Heck Do You Have A Good Marriage?

By Mike Edwards

I’m no expert but one who is anxious for others to avoid my failures. I can assure you my marriage hasn’t lasted 40 years so far as of today because I am some saint. Divorce can happen and doesn’t doom one as a failure for life. Relationships aren’t that complicated, just hard. Many marriages can succeed when both partners adhere to a few essential attitudes and actions to better relate. I am going to keep this less than a five-minute read in hopes more read provoking ideas if struggling. Success isn’t an exact path. We all have a chance if strive to treat our partner like a best friend!

The Right Attitude – Accepting Differences 

Good luck finding a partner that always agree. Marriage is about living happily incompatible. There are no perfect matches. Relationships often start off well because reality hasn’t set in – sharing closets, bathrooms, in-laws, children, etc. You still have in common why you began the relationship, but now you have to work out your differences. Other friendships don’t have the 24/7 challenges. Naively, I assumed in the beginning I would be happily married 100% of the time. Now, I realize being pleased 75% of the time is a pretty good marriage. Strive to treat your partner like you want to be treated when not agreeing. Marriage isn’t agreeing but learning to disagree. 

The Right Actions – Fighting Fair 

After accepting we don’t have a right to expect everything we desire, we still have to solve such differences to live peacefully together. When handling differences in other relationships it usually is out in public with others around eyeballing your actions. In a 24/7 relationship differences can happen more in private. There is less accountability to behave. Kids, we know the rules in solving differences – keep your hands to yourself, don’t raise your voice, stop interrupting, etc. When such rules are violated, give each other permission to stop and restart when acting more civilly. Couples who say they are no longer in love have stopped treating each other in loving ways. Happy couples expect problems and solve differences in a positive manner so solutions can be discovered. 

Identify A Specific Plan And Persist 

As you strive for the right attitude and actions – develop specific steps each can take, evaluate success in a time limited fashion, and do it all over again. Keep trying until finding what works. Judge the relationship not on feelings that depend on circumstance but judge the relationship on specific actions that can bring about desired feelings.  Couples often give up too soon because they attempt a “hit and miss” approach to their problems. Couples often argue, “they have tried everything.” Develop your own list of habits such as below:

• During conflict both ideally ask “what can I do differently” not “why can’t you”
• Assume good will of you partner unless you married the devil
• Focus on solutions than problems
• Persist unless one partner is being abusive
• Run from temptations that can set you up for failure
• Get third party help after remaining stuck
• Try doing what you would tell your friend if they asked for advise
• Identify 2 or 1 thing you wish each would do differently once a day that is observable and you can acknowledge genuine appreciation when it happens
• Focus on being the right person rather than your partner
• Happy couples’ ratio of encouraging than criticizing is at least 6:1

Spiritual help can be invaluable in marriage

Maybe you are just a good person without any help. Personally, I need help being the best version of myself for the sake of my partner. I need to be willing to say sorry. I need to recognize I am being selfish. I need to be willing to forgive when my partner takes responsibility for their actions. Great marriages aren’t about being good enough or not as bad as other partners. The best goal of marriage or any relationship is aiming for perfection. My view of God inspires me to pursue perfection in my relationships without being paralyzed by guilt when failing. I have the “want to” to be perfect. I believe that motivation comes from God!

John and Julie Gottman, who have researched marriage relationships for years to identify important factors that lead to success, state something so true: “Every marriage has perpetual issues – conflicts based on personality differences or lifestyle differences that never go away. Common examples include how much intimacy there should be in a marriage, as well as disagreements over money and household chores. But as longtime marriage therapists, we’ve found that partners can live peacefully with perpetual issues as long as they talk about them in a open, productive way.” 

How The Heck Do You Have A Good Marriage?

Mike Edwards has been writing for Done with Religion for some time and has been a great addition to the site. Mike also has his own site where he writes that can be found at What God May Really Be Like  He can be contacted by email at: medwar2@gmail.com 

Marriage and Being One with God

by Jim Gordon

The institution of marriage is such a great comparison to life with our Father. I think we often miss some good points about marriage that directly relates to life with God. So many times we do not associate marriage with Kingdom meanings.

Actually, marriage is a shadow of spiritual things. Ephesians 5:31,32 states, ‘for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church’. The church being mentioned here is not a building or an organization. The Church are the people who are one in Christ. It is not a weekly meeting, it is a living organism made up of those of us saved by grace. I also believe that just because husband and wife are used by the writer in this verse, it also means any two people who love one another and commit to one another because of that love.

I find it amazing that we are considered to be one with God. It is hard to imagine that the Spirit of God lives within us. Jesus said when he left the earth that he would send us another comforter. Through his Spirit, he came to make his home within us and he is constantly with us.

In John 17:21 Jesus is making a request of the Father about us, asking that ‘they may all be one, even as You Father, are in Me and I in You, that they also may be in Us, so that the world may believe that You sent Me’. Seems to me it is truly a marriage made in heaven.

Now this is not saying we are God, but we are one with God. The best way I have found to make sense of this is to think of marriage. When two individual people fall in love, make a commitment to love each other and live together, the bible says the two are joined together as one.

Does that mean that the spouse becomes their partner, that they somehow become the same person? No, both people remain individuals, yet they live as one. Same with us and God, we are still the person He created, yet because God loves us and we love him, he has made his home with us and His spirit lives within us. We are one with God.

We always think of God sitting on a big throne, way off in heaven somewhere and that one of these days we will go and meet Him and live with Him forever.

The thing is, that is not what His written word tells us. We are the temple of the Holy Spirit, God’s physical dwelling place on earth. His Spirit dwells within us and He will never leave us nor forsake us.

We do not have to wait to a future time when we live with God in some far-away place. We are living as one with Him in His Kingdom right now because the Kingdom of God is within us. We are his temple, his dwelling place and each of us are equally important parts of his body.

Jim Gordon and his wife left the institutional church after spending over fifty years within the system. Jim wanted a way to express his thoughts and concerns about the religious system and why he and his wife decided to leave the institution but not their faith in God. Jim can be contacted by email at: jimgordon731@gmail.com

How is Marriage Like Being One with God?

by Jim Gordon

The institution of marriage is such a great comparison to life with God. I think a lot of the time we miss some good points about marriage that directly relates to life with God. To many times we do not associate marriage with Kingdom meanings.

Actually, marriage is a shadow of spiritual things. Ephesians 5:31 and 32 state for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. The church being mentioned here is not a building or an organization. The Church are the people who Jesus brings together. It is not a weekly meeting but a living organism made up of those of us saved by grace. And though the verse mentions man and wife, I believe marriage is the union of two people who commit to each other in love.

One of the things I have been thinking about recently is how we are one with God. It is hard to imagine that our God lives within us. Jesus said when he left the earth, he would send us another comforter. Through his Spirit, he came to make his home within us and he is constantly with us.

We always think of God sitting on a big throne, way off in heaven somewhere and that one of these days we will go to meet and live with God forever.

The thing is, that is not what the written word tells us. We are the temple of the Holy Spirit, God’s physical dwelling place on earth. The Spirit dwells within us and will never leave us nor forsake us.

Now it is not saying we are God but we are one with God. The best way I have found to make sense of this is to think of marriage. When two individual people fall in love, make a commitment to love each other and live together the bible says the two shall become one.

Does that mean that the spouse becomes their partner, that they somehow become the same person? No, both people remain individuals yet they live as one. Same with us and God, we are still the person that was created yet because God loves us, God’s home is now within us and the Spirit of God lives within us. We are one with God.

In John 17:21 Jesus is talking with the Father and asks that they may all be one, even as You Father are in Me and I in You, that they also may be in Us so that the world may believe that You sent Me. Seems to me it is truly a marriage made in heaven.

We do not have to wait to a future time when we live with God in some far-away place. We are now living as one with God right now. We are the temple, the dwelling place of God and each of us are equally important parts of the body of Christ.

Why We Must Approach God And The Bible Openly Not Dogmatically – Biblical Examples

by Mike Edwards

We could change a nation and relationships if opposing sides did not demonize one another by declaring their view the only and right view. Maybe you weren’t as stupid as I was when getting married. The wife and I didn’t have much conflict in dating so I assumed my wife’s love and respect pretty much meant agreeing with my point of view. I learned the key to a great marriage is accepting differences and finding ways to be happily incompatible. Best friends do it but we tend to take the gloves off inside the walls of marriage.

God-followers must approach the Bible the same way they do marriage. We can never claim our view of God according to the Bible is correct. Imagine how many wouldn’t be turn away from God if all had such an attitude. Literature requires interpretations and even those who respect Scriptures as authoritative disagree.  Even if we could prove the Bible was infallible, we still do not know which interpretation is the infallible view of God.

The infallibility of the Bible is a non-starter because we don’t have the original manuscripts and then interpretation is required. We must avoid dogmatism that often drives people away from than toward God. The Bible has inspired millions to lead a less selfish life. The problem isn’t the Bible but how the Bible is represented. The Bible is simply a recording of Israel’s understanding of God, which we can’t prove were perfect, that God can use in understanding what God is really like.

Examples below help support the importance of not claiming we can assume the Bible we possess is infallible or entirely inspired, which often leads to claiming interpretations are inspired. Just one example of later biblical writers/scribes contradicting or adding additional thoughts to earlier biblical writers makes claiming the Bible is infallible or inspired a problem:

• Karen Keen in Scripture, Ethics, And Same-Sex Relationships points out that a scribe added sentences to the oldest manuscript we know of on Isaiah 2: 9-11. Our current Bibles read (The italicized words added to the original): “So people will be brought low and everyone humbled— do not forgive them. Go into the rocks, hide in the ground from the fearful presence of the Lordand the splendor of his majesty! The eyes of the arrogant will be humble and human pride brought low; the Lord alone will be exalted in that day” (p. 59, 126). Later scribes intensified God’s anger which may or may not best portray God’s true nature.

• Keen provides an example where the writer in Deuteronomy 15 alters slavery laws from Exodus though the original slavery law was given by God to Moses directly on Mount Sinai (Ex. 19:18-21:11). The updated law in Deuteronomy applies freedom also to female slaves not just male slaves, improves circumstances for slaves, etc. (p. 60-61). The writers of Deuteronomy had no problem updating supposed spoken words from God to Moses best for their circumstances. We have to be open-minded which laws are wisest in our circumstances.

• It would seem throughout the OT that animal, blood sacrifices are necessary for God to forgive. But, why did later OT writers over time begin to write that God doesn’t like animal sacrifices but contrite hearts (Ps. 51:16-17, i.e. Jer. 7:22, Amos 5:21, Micah 6:6)? Why wouldn’t writers at least say both animal sacrifice and contrite hearts are necessary? This leads to very different interpretations of the Cross and view of God for many – did Jesus die to appease God’s wrath and need for sacrifice or to prove God’s amazing love so we might follow in Jesus’ footsteps.

• Keith Giles points out in Jesus Unbound: Liberating the Word Of God From The Bible that 2 Sam 24:1 says God incited David to take a census of Israel which lead to massive slaughter. But, I Chron 21:1 says Satan incited David (pp. 136-37). Did NT writers understand God better by writing that God, no matter how Holy God may be, never tempts anyone to do evil (James 1:13). What many assume of a good God doesn’t always match what the Bible says!

• Deut. 28:63 says God takes pleasure in destroying. But, Ezek. 33:11 says God takes no pleasure in the death of the wicked. So, which view portrays God most accurately? Paul says the Spirit helps us make final judgments (I Cor. 2:15), but we must respect one another’s opinion.

• NT writers relied on a Greek translation of the Hebrew OT called the Septuagint. This is an older version of the Hebrew Scriptures than the Masoretic text which came later and from which most of our OT Bibles are translated today from. There are many differences. In the story of David and Goliath, the Masoretic text our Bibles use has many more details and it twice as long as the Septuagint version (Giles, p. 139). Thus, the version we read in our Bible is an expanded version of the original, supposed inspired version. Later biblical scribes felt completely free to update earlier scribes, perhaps to make their point.

My point is not to emphasize that our Bibles are full of errors but to encourage us to change how we read and represent the Bible to others. Uncertainty is not the problem! Uncertainty can lead to more loving actions by accepting one another’s differences. Certainty often leads to opposing sides demonizing one another by insisting they are right and the other side is wrong. Can you imagine if couples acted this way when disagreeing? God-followers and religious leaders seem hell-bent in telling people what must be believed about God according to their understanding and interpretation of the Bible. Certainty rather than open-mindedness about God has led to justifying slavery, killing infidels, condemning gays, and other atrocities in the name of God. Let’s have a discussion than demonize one another and turn others from God when we could be wrong.

Why Isn’t What’s Wrong In Marriage The Same For Citizens?

By Mike Edwards

Citizens have vastly different opinions but why can’t we disagree as a nation without all the current chaos by recognizing that certain behaviors are just plain wrong in marriage, friendships, and among citizens. Imagine if all felt safe to express themselves no matter their opinions!

Physical violence is wrong.

It is obvious physical violence is off the table in personal relationships unless protecting yourself from danger. Can you imagine the uproar if people stood by while partners were physically abusing one another? We can peacefully protest but violent protestors must be called out by their own leadership. Those privileged whose rights aren’t being violated must not remain silent when those of a different gender or color are not treated equally.

Emotional violence is obviously wrong.

Is it ever okay for one to verbally abuse their partner? Those who have President Trump’s attention – call him out every time he belittles or name-calls. One can still agree with some of President Trump’s policies but oppose emotionally abusive, provocative behaviors. There are better ways to defend policies that you believe will advance a nation without violating one emotionally.

But, a nation has moral issues that marriages don’t!

Partners fall out of love when each start acting if their way is right. An issue is obviously moral when there is practically universal agreement and one in physical danger. We don’t have to vote if murder should be a law. Until we stop claiming morality according to a Book or our own intuitions, we will never be able to solve our differences. It is a dictatorship not a democracy when we impose our will on non-moral issues such as health care or taxes, where there are legitimate pros and cons.

We can’t change our partner or a nation but we can try to be a part of the solution.

• Renounce all acts of physical or verbal violence
• Stop claiming your views are morally superior to those you disagree with
• Defend your reasoning, accept the freedom of opinions, and respect the voting process
• Happily married couples and citizen begin conversations by looking for areas to agree while treating others the way they wish to be treated but it takes two to tango